


Welcome To Paralon

by MayContainBlueberries



Category: Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica - James A. Owen, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Audio Format: MP3, Audio Format: Streaming, F/F, Gen, Podfic & Podficced Works, Typical Night Vale Violence, Typical Night Vale Weirdness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-13
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-03-22 17:52:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3738031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MayContainBlueberries/pseuds/MayContainBlueberries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>A friendly island community where the parliament is clockwork, the muffins are blueberry, and mysterious shadows put entire lands to sleep…</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Paralon

**Author's Note:**

> This contains both the audio and written versions.

Listen [Here](https://soundcloud.com/eternallibrary/welcometoparalon)

 

 

A friendly island community where the parliament is clockwork, the muffins are blueberry, and mysterious shadows put entire lands to sleep…

Welcome to Paralon.

Hello Listeners.

To start things off, I’ve been asked to read this brief notice:

The Clockwork Parliament announces the rebuilding of the Keep of Time.  They would like to remind everyone that people are not allowed in the Keep of Time. Sapient animals are not allowed in the Keep of Time.

It is possible you will see Long-Extinct Dinosaurs in the Keep of Time.

**Do not approach them. Do not approach the Keep of Time.**

The doors are cursed and highly dangerous. Try not to look at the Keep of Time, and especially do not look for any period of time at the dinosaurs. The Keep of Time will not harm you.

And now, the news.

Captain Nemo, down with the Yellow Dragon, says the Seraphim appeard to him. Said they looked, just like people, you know? and one of them looked like Scowler Charles. Said they helped with repairs to his ship. One of them changed the lens in the periscope for him. He’s offering to see the old lens, which has been touched by a Seraph. Is was the one that looks like Scowler Charles, if that sweetens the pot for anyone. If you’re interested, contact Captain Nemo. He’s down with the Yellow Dragon.

A young woman came into the Capital today. Who is she? What does she want from us? Why her perfect and beautiful wings? Why her perfect and beautiful flight helmet? She says she is a Valkyrie. Well…we have all been creatures out of deepest myth at one point or another in our lives. But why now? Why here? And just what does she plan to do with that mysterious cabinet she has placed in the room she is renting – the one next to Samaranth’s Tea shop.

No-one brews a cuppa like Samaranth.  **No one.**

A reminder to parents out there: let’s talk about safety when you’re taking your children out to play down at the harbour. You need to keep them hydrated with all that salt water around, make sure they have a shady place to get out of the sun, and pay attention to Dragonship colours.

Is the dragonship in the harbour violet? Probably the Goblin King. Not a good are for play that day.

Is it orange? That’s the dwarves. They’ll keep a good eye on your kids, and  _hardly ever_  take one.

Is it black and vaguely menacing? No-one know who’s Dragonship that is, or what it wants. Do not play in the harbour. Return to your home and lock the doors until a Clockwork Army member leaves a thimble on your doorstep to indicate the danger has passed. Cover your eyes to hide from the terrible Darkness.

Also remember: Smaranth’s Iced tea is basically sugar, so give your kids plain old water and maybe some blueberries when they play.

The Indigo Dragon flying over Avalon disappeared today, only to reappear in Tamerlane House, during a meeting of caretakers, disrupting they’re discussion quite badly. The airship soared through the small room for only a fraction of a second. And before it could strike any caretakers of structure, it vanished again. This time, apparently, for good.

Caretaker Bert is concerned, as at this moment the Indigo Dragon, his ship, is docked at the Nameless Isles and is very definitely not an airship. Speculation has it that this may be the work of their bitter rivals, the time-traveling Cabal.

The Cabal is always trying to show up the caretakers through fancier watches, better feast-beats, and possibly stealing the Indigo Dragon and converting it into an airship in the future.

For shame, John Dee. For Shame.

That new Valkyrie – we now know is named Laura Glue – called a town meeting. She has a strong form, and hair like a waterfall of mahogany. Her wings – which are attached to a harness which she can remove – are perfect, and we all hate and despair and love those perfect wings in equal measure.

Captain Nemo brought Smoked Salmon roles, which were decent but lacked capers. He said the Seraphim had taken his capers for a godly mission and he hadn’t got around to getting any more.

Laura Glue told us that we are  _by far_  the best point from which the Valkyries may set up operations for the protection of the Archipelago. She said there were dangers we had never anticipated, but that she and her Valkyries could take care of anything. She grinned and everything about her was perfect and I fell in love instantly.

Agents from the Clockwork Parliament were in the back, watching.  I fear for Laura Glue. I fear for the Archipelago of Dreams. I fear for anyone caught between what they know and what they don’t yet know that they don’t know.

And now a public service announcement.

Yoricks: Can they kill your children?

Yes.

Laura Glue and her Valkyries warn that one of the shelves in the Great Whatsit, between 15th century history and goat anatomy, doesn’t actually exist.

“It seems like it exists,” explained Laura Glue and her perfect wings. “Like, it’s just right there when you look at it. And it’s Dewey decimal numbers fit in between those of the shelves above and below, so it would make more sense for it to there than not.”

But, she says, they have consulted with the ravens, who have eyes for this kind of thing, and the shelf is definitely not there. At news time, the Valkyries are standing in a group in the aisle in front of the non-existent shelf, daring each other to pick up a book.

Lights. Seen in the sky above the End of the World. Not the mists from the great waterfall roaring away into nothing forever. Something higher, and beyond that. We know the difference. We’ve caught onto their game. We understand the ‘Lights above the End of the World’ game.

Ladies, gentlemen, and those betwixt and beyond, the future is here, and it’s about 100 feet above the End of the World.

Traffic time, listeners.

Now, the Clockwork Guard is issuing warning about ghostly Principles out on the roads, those strange mechanical contraptions only visible in the distance reaching great speeds leaving destinations unknown for destinations more unknown. They would like to remind you that you should not set your speed by these apparitions, and doing so will be considered ‘Dangerous and unruly piloting of a landship’.

And now, the weather.

 [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/mydarksky/14939865521/in/photostream/)

Welcome back, listeners.

The sun didn’t set at the right time today, Laura Glue and her team of Valkyries report. They’re quite certain about it. They checked multiple clocks and anabasis machines and the sun definitely set ten minutes later than it was supposed to.

I asked if they had any explanations but they didn’t offer anything concrete. Mostly they sat in a circle around a stopwatch with a red Dragon engraved on it, staring at it, murmuring and cooing.

The Clockwork Parliament would like to remind you about the tiered Heavens, and the angelic hierarchy. The reminder is that you should not know anything about this.

The structure of Heaven and the organizational chart are privileged information, known only to the Clockwork Parliament members on a need-to-know basis. Please do not speak to or acknowledge any Seraphim that you may come across while shopping at the Market or at the Gardens of Byblos. They only tell lies and do not exist.

Report all Seraph sightings to the Clockwork Parliament for treatment.

Speaking of the Gardens, their keeper, Ordo Maas, reports that he has found the entrance to the entrance to a vast underground country in the drainage ditch behind the Carnivourous Flora area. He said he has not ventured into it; merely peered down on its strange, concentric circular islands.

He also reports voices of a distant crowd, like the chirruping of crickets. Apparently the entrance was discovered when one of his sons accidentally dropped a watering can into it, clattering down to the islands below with sounds that echoed for miles across the impossibly huge cavern.

So, you know, whatever the population of those islands is, they know about us now and we might be hearing from them very soon.

Laura Glue, perfect and beautiful, came into our studio during the break earlier but declined to stay for an interview. She had some sort of tarot card in her hand, with a drawing of a Himalayan steppe on it. Said she was helping some colleagues look for “materials”.

I don’t know what materials she meant, but it seemed as though the picture in the tarot card was moving. When she put it close to the microphone, I thought I heard the sound of excited chattering and, well, the bleating of goats. Really strange.

Laura Glue looked nervous. I’ve never seen that kind of look on someone with such perfectly sculpted eyebrows. She left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building. But then, who would be here to talk so sweetly to all of you out there?

Settling in to be another clear night and spectacular sunset here on Paralon. I hope all of you out there have someone to watch it with. Or at least, good memories of when you did.

Goodnight listeners. Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The audio Weather is “Life on the Odyssean Wave” by Steven Arntson, used under the terms of a Attribution-Noncommercial 3.0 United States License.  
> The Visual Weather is ‘Dawn at King Kong Hill Lookout Point’ by Hui Chieh Used Under a Attribution Non-Commercial Licence.


	2. The Whirlpool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pro tips: if you really wanna record something but you are sick, just make it part of the plot.

 

 

Believing is seeing – so believe.

Welcome to Paralon.

Listeners, it seems that the staff of Paralon Public Radio have all contracted a mysterious illness. Of course we contacted the Mystorians, because they're all doctors.

Well it turns out they're not all doctors.

In fact, none of them are medical doctors.

Sooooo, we're just gonna kinda keep dealing with the illness like we have been: by drinking lots of tea and bathing our feet three times a day in salt water. 

And now, the news.

Have any of you listeners noticed the whirlpool appearing near the Hidden Cove? Well, Tummeler – you know, the badger? He saw it from one of the cliff tops this morning. Said he would have thought it was the high tide if it wasn’t for the time of day.

Apparently, the whirlpool is spinning backwards, and all observers report a low whistling when they draw near.

One death has already been attributed to the whirlpool. But listen, it’s probably nothing. If we had to shut everything down for every mysterious event that at least one death could be attributed to, we’d never have time to do anything, right?

That’s what the Clockwork Guard are saying, and I agree. Although I would not go so far as to endorse their suggestion to sail directly into the whirlpool, shrieking and firing canons, just to see what happens.

Here’s something odd: There is a Goat hovering in the break room at the radio station here. She seems perfectly happy and healthy, but is floating about four feet off the ground, next to the cupboards. Doesn’t seem to be able to move from her current hover-spot. If you pet her, she goes ‘Mehhhh’, and she’ll try to eat your scarf like a normal goat if you get close enough. Fortunately, because she is right by the cupboards, it was easy to leave some water and food where she could get it, and it is nice to have a station pet, even if she has begun to gnaw on the cupboard doors. But listen: no pet is perfect. It becomes perfect when you learn to accept it for what it is.

And now a message from our sponsors.

Disappointed by your recent day to day routine? Wanting to add excitement to your life?

It’s a futile attempt. You will always have that shrinking feeling at the bottom of your stomach telling you that this is not it; this is not what it should be. Give up trying to squash this feeling. Accept it. Let it become a part of your home. Set a place for it at the table. Do its laundry. Give it a name! It’s like having an imaginary friend! An imaginary friend who keeps whispering to you ‘don’t you want more…?’

This message was brought to you by the Shipbuilders union.

This is probably nothing listeners, but Tummeler – you know, the badger – he reports that the Whirlpool has begun to rise out of the water, and move onto the land. It appears to be raining small sea creatures down upon the earth. Starfish, horseshoe crabs, a few jellyfish, that kind of thing.

Fortunately, the animals appear dead already, so the Non-sapient Animal Control Department has said that it should be a snap to clean those up. They have just tossed them back into the ocean from whence they came. So, if that’s the worst the whirlpool-turned-water-spout has for us, I say go ahead and do your daily errands. Just wear a good strong sou’wester capable of handling animals up to, say, ten pounds.

More on the Whirlpool as it continues to crawl across the island.

Alert: the Clockwork Guard are searching for a fugitive named Asterius, who escaped custody last night following a 9 pm arrest. Asterius is described as a 6 armed being, approximately four feet tall, with a beetle-like carapace weighing about 50 pounds. He is suspected of insurance fraud.

Asterius was pulled over for dangerous piloting of a landship, and the Guard became suspicious when he allegedly gave the officers a fake principle license for a three foot tall Badger named Albert von Abernathy. After discerning that “Albert von Abernathy” was actually a Minotaur from somewhere other than our little world, the Guard searched Asterius’s principle.

The Guard say Asterius escaped custody by ‘Getting them to all look the other way and then running very fast’ and he was last seen in a schooner headed towards Avalon.

The Guard is asking for tips leading to the arrest of Asterius. They remind you that, if seen, he should not be approached, even with a fully armed naval vessel, and he is, quote, ‘A tricky little blighter’. Contact the Clockwork Guard if you have any information. Ask for Corporal Meridith.

Helpful tipsters will earn one stamp on their Alert Citizen card. Collect five stamps, and you get right-of-way immunity for one year.

And now, a look at the community calendar.

Saturday, the Shipyard will be unknowable. Citizens will forget the existence of the shipyard from 6 am Saturday Morning until 11 pm that night. The Shipyard will be under a sort of renovation. It is not important what kind of renovation.

Sunday it is advised that citizens remain indoors.  The caretakers are building some kind of bridge. We all know how that went _last time_.

Monday, the cartographer of lost places is offering mapmaking lessons in his tower room in the Keep of Time. Of course, citizens are not allowed in the Keep of Time. The Cartographer says he will be serving Leprechaun crackers.

Tuesday afternoon, join the Imperial Cartological Society for a bake sale to support Citizens for a Public _Geographica_. Proceeds will go to support printing costs and bribing the current Caretaker to “forget” the original atlas in his car again.

Wednesday has been cancelled due to a scheduling error

And on Thursday is a Community Theatre production. And… that’s all it says here.

New call from Tummeler – you know, the badger? Seems the whirlpool has doubled in size, enveloping all of Paralon in its fishy smell and humming song.

There has also been an increase in the size of sea creature corpses being dropped. I’ve had multiple reports that an orca, like the kind you might see in the northern waters of the Summer Country, fell on top of the Green Seas Bake Shop and Eatery. The shop is offering a free Baked treat to anyone who can figure out how to get the thing off.

The Clockwork Guard have apparently taken to shouting questions at the whirlpool, trying to ascertain exactly what it wants. So far, the whirlpool has not answered

The whirlpool cannot converse with us. It does not have consciousness as we tiny humans have consciousness. It has no need for thoughts or feeling of love. The whirlpool simply is.

All hail the mighty whirlpool!

All Hail!

And now, slaves of the whirlpool, the weather.

Sorry, listeners. Not sure what happened in that earlier section of the broadcast – as in I actually don’t remember what happened. Tried to play back the tapes but they’re all blank and smell faintly of seaweed. The Whirlpool,  meanwhile, has moved on. It is now just a small disturbance in the waters off our eastern coast. We may never fully understand, or understand at all what it was and why it dumped a lot of dead sea creatures on our Capital.

But, and I’m gonna get a little personal here, that’s the essence of life, isn’t it?

Sometime you go through things that seem huge at the time, like a mysterious whirlpool venturing out of the sea and onto your island. While they’re happening they feel like the only thing that matters, and you can hardly imagine there are worlds out there that might have anything else going on.

And then the whirlpool moves on. And _you_ move on. And the event is behind you. And you may find that, as time passes, you remember it less and less. Or, absolutely not at all in my case. And you are left with nothing but a powerful sense of the mysterium tremendum – and the faint but briny smell of seaweed.

Dear listeners, here is a list of things:

  * Emotions you don’t understand upon viewing a sunset at sea
  * Lost atlases, found
  * Lost atlases, unfound
  * A secret lost atlas library on the moon
  * Shrubs that sass
  * Doors that vanish
  * A shadow that thinks
  * A movement half-seen in a tarot card
  * Trembling hands reaching for desperately needed Atlases
  * (Seriously John, do we need to chain that Atlas to your arm?)
  * Muffins
  * Doctors who are not doctors


  * Nothing when you want something
  * Something when you thought there was nothing
  * Thick vellum sheets
  * Scented linen sheets
  * Rain coming Down in sheets
  * Night
  * Rest
  * Sleep
  * End



 

Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Audio Weather is 'Sunny' by Bensound, used under a Creative commons - Attribution - No Derivative Works licence. It can be found at bensound.com.  
> The Visual Wather is 'Badger' by Alan used under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike licence. It was found at www.flickr.com/photos/kaptainkobold.
> 
> This one was mostly an excuse to make fun of John.


	3. The Keep of Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something's happening to the Keep of Time.   
> Also, special guests, shrub re-homing, and changing your name for no apparent reason.

 

All things grow. All things change. And eventually, all things must pass.

Welcome to Paralon.

Our top story:

The Keep of Time – you know, the one we don’t acknowledge or look at or enter under any circumstances – is falling.

A fire seems to have started at the base of the Keep and is causing it to crumble and fall away from the bottom up. I know, I know what you’re thinking. Abby, how is fire capable of crumbling a _stone_ Keep? Well, let me ask you how you know so much about the structure of the Keep of Time and properties of materials when exposed to combustion. No seriously, how do you know all that? Please do your best to forget all you know before a Clockwork Guardsman comes looking for you.

Luckily no-one has been injured in the devastating fire, as no-one is allowed to enter the Keep of Time. Aren’t you glad you follow inexplicable commands from your benevolent dictators now? I sure am.

Friends, listeners; there’s a real shrub problem here in the Archipelago. Many residents have called in to report that shrubs are being disrespectful, sassy, and in some cases, stealing valuable atlases. The Arborists Union is addressing these concerns through after school “Shrub Re-homing” programs which gives troubled Shrubs to kids so they can take them home and lock them in a dark cupboard. Or, you know, nurture them. Whatever.

Those interesting in volunteering should consult the Green Knight on Avalon.

An update on the situation with the Keep of Time: it seems that there are some strange spatial disturbances at work. Citizens all over the Archipelago report stones falling from the sky, stones that appear to be from the Keep of Time.

In addition, a number of doors have been appearing in random locations. One popped into existence in the middle of Tamerlane House, disturbing a Gatherum of caretakers and releasing a number of winged dinosaurs. It is unknown whether these strange doors have anything to do with the Keep of Time. Although, to be fair, a notice from the Clockwork Parliament warning us to beware mysterious doors was issued in conjunction with the official statement on continuing damage done to and by the Keep of Time.

Stay tuned for more as details surface in our special and ongoing coverage of Keep of Time gate – are we safe from the long dead horrors of the past? No way.

And now, an editorial.

Let’s talk about common courtesy when welcoming guests into our fair Archipelago. Now, when different cultures with different values interact, a bit of confusion is to be expected. Someone will inevitably stick their foot in their mouth – hopefully not literally again, god, that was embarrassing… - but we all have to do our best to listen and be accepting and helpful.

Here are some things that you can do to make visitors feel welcome:

Give helpful tips. Point out your favourite places to go and chant at the unforgiving sea. Let guests know where you like to eat. Remind them about their mandatory visit to Samaranth’s Tea Shop.

Here are some things that are more of a deterrent to visitors:

Making strange prophesies. Offering to keep visitors captive for millennia. Constantly changing your names for no apparent reason. Cooking small children in giant pots. Unraveling priceless tapestries. Trapping old men in oak trees. You get the picture.

Listeners, are we ever in for a treat today. I have, right here in the studio, one of the mysterious shadowborn we often see around. We did not actually invite them here, they were just waiting patiently when I unlocked the studio this morning. And buzzing. Quietly.

But hey, what a great opportunity! Let’s see if I can get an interview.

Shadowborn friend, how are you doing today?

Huh…okay. Care to comment on the recent destruction of the Keep of Time?

Any comments at all? Anything you’d like to tell the ordinary folk of the Archipelago about your organization?

Listeners, I’m sure you can hear this. It’s not a problem with your radio or our transmitters. The shadowborn is making those noises in our studio. It’s pretty deafening, actually.

Alright! I don’t think they’re going to stop, and they’ve started to levitate, so, let’s go to the weather.

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/abstractartangel77/15818814004/in/photolist-q6Ryhu-5EdvHb-dAwpdj-cKxDYs-agwYR4-oxvzzp-edHSJD-nnhDMH-yH87C-97uXbi-7M1wS4-ziuDe-BM8uf-rTmAYi-9hKBba-9hKCUT-aBEWHZ-3eNoC-9hNHfo-89fSXw-4VPV7Z-5XGhQV-8JMuPZ-8scEUu-9hNHa7-9hNGtY-XsCj-9hNN7w-9hNH4N-9hKB5P-9hNNbq-9hNKgh-riDNdf-9hNHmq-o6kb5q-9hNHF5-9hNKbQ-9hKCZr-9hNGKf-9hKBo2-9hNHis-dJ9jw8-5PBjQU-9hNK2y-7VBYP3-iND8Aj-rj6X2T-3piDFf-jh86sx-gLMBrJ)

Listeners of all species, the Clockwork Guard report that they have stopped the fall of Keep stones and the appearance of doors throughout the archipelago. The Keep of Time, however, continues to break apart from the bottom up. When asked how they fixed the special disturbances depositing parts of the forbidden Keep all over our land, the Clockwork Guard representative mumbled something about physics and showed us a sheet of Greek symbols.

The Guard continued that now that the Keep of Time was no longer imposing itself upon the public, we should all forget about its existence and continue to avoid it at all costs. This should be easier, given that the Keep is now hovering some meters above the ground.

Stay tuned next for our four hour program, ‘Using contextual clues to translate forgotten Scripts’, presented by our very own Caveo Principia.

And listeners, The Archipelago of Dreams is an ancient place, full of history and secrets — as we were reminded today. But it is also a place of the present moment, full of life, and of us.

 

If you can hear my voice speaking live, then you know: we are not history yet. We are happening now. How miraculous is that?

 

Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The audio weather is Long Road Ahead by Kevin MacLeod.  
> The visual weather is Past Times by AbstractArtAngel77.  
> Both are used under a creative commons Attribution Non-Commercial licence.


End file.
